Archived
February 29, 2004 - March 6, 2004

Saturday, March 6, 2004

Blonde-O-Rama

Q: How do you tell if a blonde is sexually satisfied? 
A: Who cares.

Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down. 

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here,  let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

Q: What's the difference between a blond and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? 
A: When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them!" A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

Q: What does a blonde an a computer have in common? 
A: You never appreciate either one until they go down on you.

Q: How do you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? 
A: There is a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: "Is it mine?"

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep. 

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde  ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

Q: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning? 
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?
A: A brunette

"Blonde-O-Rama" - Blondes, blondes and nothing but sexy, dumb, big breasted blondes that love to fuck. Well... maybe a few hot & horny brunettes with big tits. Plus tons of Blonde Jokes!
.

     For more Gothic Horror stories check out www.sex-fi.com.
.

Thursday, March 4, 2004

UpDates & Reviews

"Mega-Voyeur" - Galleries of hidden cams, toilet cams, shower cams and lots of other voyeur, amateur, upskirt and down blouse pics of cute teens, college girls, horny housewives and other masturbating babes.

"Mega Voyeur" is a "Adult Check Gold" site. It's just what the name implies; a "MEGA" Voyeur site! It has 13 hidden cam galleries of hot young babes changing clothes, taking showers, masturbating and doing the things that girls do when they think they're alone. It also has two upskirt galleries, an amateur gallery and a pregnant voyeur gallery. Banner advertising is kept to a minimal, galleries are updated monthly and there are no annoying pop-ups or consoles. Membership is only $24.95 a month and that not only gives you access to "Mega-Voyeur," but also to thousands of other adult sites, chat rooms, movies, etc.. So, if you like peeping through windows, spying on innocent girls and/or looking up skirts, then "Mega-Voyeur" is deffo a site you should take a peek at - Pun intended! LOL.

"Teen Shower Cam" - Galleries of sexy women and barely legal teens in the shower and bath. Plus new voyeur & hidden shower cam galleries.

"Teen Shower Cam" The site design is good. The splash pages are a little slow loading because there are a lot of sample pics to load. But the outside pics are a good representation of what's on the site, so it's worth the wait. The site is easy to navigate and (as with all my sites) there are no hidden links, no pop-ups and no entrapments of any kind. The site has many galleries of hot babes in the shower & bath, plus hidden cam and vintage porn galleries. The galleries are rotated each month so there are always hot, new and wet babes to look at. "Teen Shower Cam" is a member of the "CyberAge Platinum" Network and that means - not only do you get access to thousands of other sites when you join, but also that it's a damn good site! Click on the link, take the FREE tour and find out for yourself.

"Anal-Rama - The Ultimate Anal Site!" - Hardcore galleries of butt fucking, rim jobs, fisting and much more. These hot babes just can't get enough Anal Action. It's Anal-licious!

"Anal Rama" is just what is says it is - Hardcore Anal Fucking!!! If you're into Anal Sex, then this is a great site for you. If you're not into Anal, don't go to this site!!! IT'S VERY HARDCORE!! "Anal-Rama" has 7 galleries with over 300 hardcore and close up pics of people (teens, preggos, grannies, trannies, etc.) having Anal Sex. The galleries are updated monthly. "Anal-Rama" is a "CyberAge PLATINUM" site.
.

Snappy Answers

Snappy Answer #1:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied,  "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."  When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge ahead."   Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

And finally Snappy Answer #5:

A college professor reminded her class of the next day's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.  I might consider a  nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004

And So It Goes - Degrees of Sickness

     Once upon a time, I was a master at feigning illness. I pulled the stunt so many times that doctors wanted to name the disease after me. In fact, I started to grow a conscience and tell my mom that I was “soooo sick…”, then finish the sentence in my head: of school. That was enough to appease the guilt. Self-delusion has always come naturally to me.

     The only thing about faking infirmity is that the more you do it, the harder it is to pull off. By age 10, I was researching symptoms of viruses that I couldn't even pronounce. I grew so desperate for “proof of illness” that one day I resorted to searching the pantry for counterfeit vomit, some piece of empirical evidence that my mom couldn't dispute. I found what I was looking for in a can of Campbell's extra chunky zucchini and tomato soup.

     While my mom primped herself for work, wondering why she ever had children, I poured the soup in and around the toilet, then began to heave violently.

     “Moooooooommmm…”

     She materialized moments later and immediately took pity on her poor son. Voilá. Freedom from schoolitentiary.

     Those golden days came to a screeching halt one morning when I finally took things too far. I probably shouldn't have played sick on consecutive weeks, but so many other kids were out, and I didn't think it fair for me to be punished for my well-being. I had already exhausted the symptoms of influenza, strep throat, and appendicitis—not to mention whatever caused the zucchini soup—so I returned to the basics and heated up the ol’ thermometer.

     It used to be that my mom shoved that chilly pole into my netherparts like I was a Thanksgiving turkey, but she later changed her ways when I told her that she was violating my human rights. She didn't question me for fear of hearing my answer. So it goes.

     On the aforementioned morn, Mom handed me the thermometer and left the room, bestowing more trust in me than she should have. In return for her confidence, I walked the thermometer over to my bedside lamp and heated it up. After 20 seconds, I had a temperature of 99 degrees. No, that wouldn't do. My mom would call me a sissy, and I would have to agree. I returned the thermometer to the light bulb. Ten seconds later, my temperature was 101. Better. But if I could just slip into that zone where I get two days off and still not have to visit the doctor…

     I placed the thermometer back under the light and heard an unfamiliar POP!

     Oh, no. No. Huh-uh.

     I looked at the thermometer and sure enough, I had busted the mercury. My temperature had literally gone through the roof. How could I explain that? I flipped through my research books for a precedent. Not a chance. Typhoid fever couldn't break a thermometer. I heard my mom returning to my room for a reading. I began to moan in a slow crescendo like I was giving birth. To a truck.

     By the time she entered, I was writhing in bed and muttering unintelligibly. My mom held me by the shoulders and asked for the thermometer. I couldn't respond. I was dying, after all. She spotted the thermometer on the floor and looked for the reading. Slowly but surely, it began to sink in. I groaned more desperately still. It was not looking good.

     “You get out of that bed right now, young man. I don't appreciate being lied to, and I certainly don't appreciate being frightened like that. What a horrible thing to do…”

     So my career in daytime cartoon watching came to an end. From then on, if I woke up missing an arm, my mom would suspect mirrors and ketchup. It became easier to go to school than try to convince her that I was ill. My life has normalized, and I get sick as much as the next guy. I have, however, retained my aversion for zucchini and tomato soup.
.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

Sidewalk Dreams

So there I am walking down the sidewalk (returning a tape to Blockbuster) and I'm thinking "Wouldn't it be nice to win the lotto." And just as I was thinking of what I would do with all the money, I look down and there's a dirty lotto ticket laying on the sidewalk - Fate! Luck! A sign from God? Visions of sugar plum fairies danced in my head... not to mention, visions of my new Viper, a Malibu Hills home, sexy women and, oh yeah... world peace. I couldn't wait to drop off the tape and run back home to verify my winnings. Three minutes later, and out of breath, I got home, logged onto the computer to check my new found ticket and... well, to say the least, my hopes were dashed to the rocks, stepped on and ground to dust... But all is not lost, it was a nice moment of dreaming :o)
.

Voyeur Tuesday

We all like to watch, so here's something for that "Pervert" in all of us... Enjoy! 
 

Monday, March 1, 2004

Monday Toons

Sunday, February 29, 2004

Blogger Babe - Amber Rain

Amber is deffo a pure California, blonde-haired, blue-eyed babe. She's a 19 year old, 5'4, 115 lb Hottie with beautiful, shoulder length, naturally blonde hair. She has very pretty ocean blue eyes, nice lips and a beautiful smile. She also has a very nice figure (34-24-32) with, not-too-small, perfectly shaped, round & perky tits, nice pink nipples, a flat stomach, nice legs, a nice butt and a nicely shaved pink pussy with a small landing strip of barely visible, blonde, pubic hair (see this week's Blogger Babe Pic).

An agent sent Amber's pic to me and as soon as I saw it I deffo thought that she was a babe, but since I'm more into dark-haired exotic girls, I wasn't all that excited about her. Don't get me wrong, she's a total cutie, but I usually don't shoot a whole lot of California-type blondes. I put her pic in the files and that was that. But about a day later my partner, Big Lou, called and said "we need a little more variety in our models" and for me to "stop looking at my job as a dating service" and finally he said "hire and shoot some blondes." Big Lou is deffo into blondes, but he was right, we do need some blondes in our catalogue... So, I told him I have just the girl we need. I sent her pic over and of course he was extremely interested in photographing her. I gave her a call and set up an interview for the following day.

Amber showed up for the interview on time, with a nice smile but with what I thought was a little bit of an attitude. But as I talked with her I discovered that she was just kinda shy and reserved. The interview was brief. I found out that she had been doing hardcore porn since she turned 18. Yikes! But, unlike a lot of the other adult models, she seemed to have a pretty good head on her shoulders. She had no tattoos. No piercings. She didn't smoke, drink or do drugs. She took care of herself AND, she had a well thought out business plan for the future. I was impressed! I hired her.

Amber showed up for the shoot on time and again, with what I perceived as a little bit of an attitude. She was very quiet and was not very receptive to any of my flirting. For me that is a little bit of a problem... I usually feel more comfortable and do my best work when I feel a connection with the model. So before we started shooting, I'm thinking that the shoot is not gonna go to well. Here I am trying my best to make a connection and she is unresponsive. And if I can't make a connection with her now, how am I ever gonna get a connection with her once we start shooting. Dang! I quietly express my concerns to Big Lou and he pretty much says that he thinks once we start snapping some frames she'll loosen up, turn the switch on, melt the ice and we'll get what we need. Well dang, I hate to admit it, but he was deffo right. Once we started shooting, Amber was a dream to work with. She was deffo very professional, she moved fluidly from one pose to another, she opened up (literally), she turned on the charm, her smile brightened, her eyes lit up and, well... we got a lot of great material.

Speaking of her eyes... WOW! While shooting (and also in real life) I pay a lot of attention to people's features (eyes, smiles, lips, nose, facial structures, etc.) and Amber deffo has a great set of eyes (she has a lot of other great features as well, but her eyes really stand out). The more we shot, the more her eyes sparkled. Again, as I have said with many of the adult models that I have photographed, she should deffo not be doing this type of work. With her natural All American, California Blonde Beauty she should deffo be doing "real" non-adult, mainstream modeling. She would make a great swimsuit / calendar model.

Anyway, back to the shoot. It went well and in exactly five hours we shot eight different set-ups including: bikini, cheerleader, schoolgirl with a huge giant dildo, plastic wrap (mummification), black leather with thigh-high boots & a whip, an exterior masturbating in a moving car scene, an exterior masturbating in a public park scene and last but not least a voyeur scene.

During and immediately after the shoot, Big Lou, Amber and I talked quite a bit about doing some more work together. As I mentioned, Amber seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders and she discussed a few of her ideas with us. Which I will deffo say are good ideas. So, sometime in the near future, we are going to partner up with her, shoot some exclusive material for her personal upcoming site and also shoot some more material for us. I think it will be a good and profitable partnership of all of us.

If you want to see more of Amber Rain, check out "Mummified Girls." Sorry, I've been busy and it's the only site that I've put her on so far... Don't worry though, I'm putting her on a few of the new sites that I've been working on.
.

Always Looking for Girls, Girls, Girls to Photograph!

I'm shooting a lot right now and I'm deffo looking for girls to photograph, so... If you're female, OVER 18 YEARS OF AGE, in the LA area, very cute and/or good looking and/or HOT, and are interested in posing nude for my websites, your own websites, for fun or just for some nice artistic photographs, please e-mail me with a description of yourself and a URL address where I can see a photo of you. If you're what I'm looking for, then you'll deffo hear back from me :o)

Please DO NOT send photos or files attached to your e-mails. They will be deleted!
.

Looking for Adult Artists & Writers

If you're an artist and/or writer and would like to have your work featured here on Sex Blogger or one of my other Adult Story or Cartoon Sites: "Sex-Fi. Erotic Sci-Fi & Horror Sex Stories," "Cuntoons," "Pregnant Comix," "Erotic Pregnant & Plumper Stories," "Sex Tales of the Old West," "Triple X Toons," "Kinky Komix," "Illustrated Erotica" or one of the new Erotic Story or Adult Cartoon sites that I'm building, then please feel free to e-mail me with a SHORT sample of your writing or a URL address where I can see your work. As far as subject matter goes, I'm really interested in erotic Sci-Fi, Horror, Gothic, War and Crime stories and/or artwork in the same genera's. I'm also interested in material that is unique unto itself. If you send me a short sample of your writing, please spell check and proof read it before submitting it. I know that I'm not the best with grammar, but if your sample is full of misspelled words and the grammar and punctuation are noticeably worse than mine, it won't even be considered. :o)

Please, DO NOT send photos or files attached to your e-mails. They will be deleted!
.

Comments & Opinions

I would love to hear from you. Please e-mail me with your comments, opinions and/or any suggestions you may have regarding Sex Blogger.
.

Express Your Rant at the Sex Blogger Store!

...... Express Your Rant! Merchandise, Blog Babes & Sex!