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Monday, May 12, 2008

Monday Toons

Three Nasty Jokes

1. A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.  The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again.  "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"  "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"  The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

2. Q: What does a blonde say watching a porno? 
A: There I am!

3. A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego, when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be delivered to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already, so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you fifty dollars for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, -- holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd. With a screech of his brakes the truck driver pulled his truck off the road, got out, and ran over to the blonde. "What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo." "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, but we had money left over, -- so we went to the movies!!!
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Sunday, May 11, 2008

Blogger Babe - Chantay

Chantay is a 19 year old, 5'1, 105 lb, very sweet, but very naive, Latina Babe (with a capital "B"). She has small, but nice, firm tits, a great ass, a nicely trimmed pussy, flat stomach, beautiful long brown hair, pretty eyes and a huge playful smile that can melt the heart of any man. (See this week's Blogger Babe Pics).

I saw Chantay's photo at an adult modeling agency and I immediately wanted to interview her. Actually, I really didn't care about an interview, I just wanted to photograph, and, of course, meet, date, and fall in love with her. A few days later she called and we set up a time to get together. Being that she's a struggling adult model, she flaked on the interview (like most do). Over the course of the next few weeks, we set up a number of interviews and she flaked on all of them. I finally gave up.
 

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A few weeks later she called and said that she really wanted to meet with me, she didn't have a car, but she was staying at a motel near my studio. Within two minutes I was out the door and on the way to meet her. Being a professional photographer I knew that the interview was strictly business. "Damn my morals!" But... being that I'm a horny guy that hadn't had "any" in a while AND since I was meeting a hot, young Babe (with a capital "B") at a sleazy motel, I had my hopes up that she'd jump my bones the moment we met. Mmmmm, the fantasies of the mind are a wonderful thing.

Chantay met me at the door. She was dressed in a loose-fitting, almost see-through, shortie top and tight-fitting jeans. She looked hot. She didn't jump my bones. I came back to reality. "Dang!" She invited me in, we sat on the bed, talked, laughed and flirted with each other for about 45 minutes. Actually, I did most of the flirting, she pretty much just smiled and nodded her head to anything I said. The fantasy started to return. "No!, Go away, I'm a professional and I have morals!" I argued with myself... I do that alot!

During our conversation, I realized that Chantay was a very sweet girl, but also, not the brightest bulb in the box. I found out that she'd been doing adult films, had an abusive boyfriend (duh, what a surprise) AND, she was an alcoholic. Hmmmm, maybe that's the reason she reeked of beer and kept asking me if I would go buy her some...
 

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I realized I could probably do anything I wanted to do with her. "Fuck my morals!" I kissed her. "What an idiot! Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Wait... she's kissing me back! Mmmmm, the possibilities... No, this is wrong! I hate the taste of beer." I pulled back. She didn't care one way or the other if we were kissing or not. Reality set in. I felt like a jerk. She glanced at the clock and then told me "the guy" (not her boyfriend) she'd met the night before would be back any minute.

"OHMYGOD!!!OHMYGOD!!!OHMYGOD!!!" My mind went into overdrive thinking about the possibility of what would happen if "the guy" walked into the room that he, undoubtedly, paid for and caught me kissing the girl that he, undoubtedly, fucked just before he went on his beer-run (or whatever). Reality quickly hit me like his fist would've if he'd caught me! "I had to leave and I had to leave now!"

But... she was so cute, innocent, naive and she really needed someone to take care of and guide her. "What am I thinking? I'm an idiot!" I asked her to go with me. She asked if I'd buy her some beer! I almost said yes, but then remembered, she was only nineteen. NINETEEN!!! "Hello, Reality Check!" I told her "No." Again, she really didn't care. Her supplier would be back any second now. "ANY SECOND NOW!!! I really, really had to go. She was Trouble (with a capital "T")." I got her number. We kissed again. "WHY? WHY? WHY?" Then, feeling like a complete and total moron, I was out the door.
 

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I wanted the whole situation out of my mind. I wanted her out of my mind. I wanted her. I was out of my mind. I couldn't throw her number away, but I couldn't call her either. Finally, a few weeks later, I called her. Her number was disconnected. "Thank God!"

I had all but forgotten about Chantay, when a few months later, sitting at a coffee shop, I saw her again. "Oh, the FATES can be so cruel." We sat. We talked. We exchanged numbers. I was infatuated, but remembering what a moron I was before, I kept myself in check: all business. Well, ok... I lie. It wasn't all business, I flirted, but not much. She flirted, more than before. She still had the abusive boyfriend. "Dang!" BUT, she wasn't doing adult films anymore, she wasn't drinking anymore, AND she was still interested in working with me. "Oh, thank you FATES!" Two weeks later we were shooting!

Aside from me drooling all over myself, the shoot went well. We had a great time. We laughed! We Cried (actually we didn't cry but it sounds good after you say "We laughed"). Even through all the major flirting (from both of us) we got quite a bit done. We did six hot & sexy setups; including Lingerie, cute teen soccer player, Masturbation, voyeur, bubble bath and... we even made her into a sandwich - bead, lettuce, lunch meat, mayo, etc.. Yes, she deffo looked good enough to eat - Pun Intended!

After the shoot Chantay and I stayed in touch and became friends (with a small "f"). Every now and then she'd come over and we'd talk, play cards and exchange back-rubs. Nope! Never did have sex with her. I know, I know... I could have! But I really didn't want to. We had a few deep conversations and the more we talked, the more I realized that she had major problems and I certainly didn't want to add to them, or become one of them. She told me that I was one of the nicest guys she'd ever met, she felt comfortable talking with me, she trusted me, and she respected the fact that I was the only guy in and out of "The Biz" that never did anything to her (sexually), or even try to. That kinda made me feel bad for all the "thoughts" I had, but "Hey," I'm only human. At least I never followed through on those thoughts. Yes, I know... I came close. BUT I didn't, and that's what counts. "Thank you morals."
 

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Sadly though, she was still with her abusive boyfriend, she started drinking again and over the course of the next few months we talked less and less until finally her number was disconnected and I, once again, lost contact with her.

BUT... months later she called; saying, she dumped her boyfriend, stopped drinking (again), was nine months pregnant (due any day), needed money and wanted to know if I wanted to photograph her again. "Yes, of course!" And I did! I called my partner, Big Lou, talked to him about it and the very next day we were shooting. 

Chantay showed up for the shoot, late of course and she was still just as sweet and cute as ever. The only difference was that she now had a very hairy pussy, milk-swollen tits and a huge, "I'm-due-any-second", pregnant belly. Yikes!
 

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The shoot went well, we had a good time, we laughed, and we flirted. But the flirting did seem a little weird to me. You know... flirting with a girl who is about to give birth. I dunno... something just wasn't right about it... seemed strange. In just a couple hours, even though she was very pregnant, we did six setups including: lingerie, masturbation, voyeur, karate student & cheerleader. Putting her in the cheerleader and karate outfits was kinda fun. No, we did not make her do any cheers; deffo treated her with "kid gloves" (no pun intended). The masturbation scene was kinda weird to photograph as well. I mean... she literally was going to give birth any moment now and here she was masturbating for the camera. Every time she spread wide, I could have sworn I saw the baby's head poking through. Meanwhile I started to think... "Hmmmm... if she goes into labor, then at least I can photograph the whole thing. Dang! Wouldn't that make a kewl adult fetish site." But, no, she didn't go into labor. We finished the shoot and she left. Two days later she called me to let me know she gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

Over the course of the next few months, we were in and out of contact with each other. She had a boyfriend. Then she didn't have a boyfriend. She was drinking again. Then she wasn't. She got back with the baby's father. Then he dumped her again. She was doing porn again, Then she wasn't. We'd talk. Then we wouldn't. The cycle continued...

A few more months went by before I (again) heard from Chantay. She got back with the baby's father (again) and was pregnant (again) and wanted to know if I wanted to shoot her (again).
 

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I (again) called Big Lou and we set up another shoot for the following day. Chantay didn't make the shoot; she went into labor that morning and gave birth to another healthy baby girl. The cycle continued...

Since then, Chantay has (again) dumped the babies' father, been in an out of relationships, stopped doing porn, stopped drinking and has been trying to get a job. Good for her on all accounts! We've talked on the phone a few times and keep meaning to get together for lunch or just an afternoon of talking like we used to... but with my schedule and her kids, we've found it nearly impossible.

Let's see... it's now been... hmmm... dang!... Well over two years since I've talked with her...

Anyway, if you want to see more of Pregnant Chantay, check out "Nude Pregnant Women," "Pregnant Chantay's Amateur Home Page," "Erotic Pregnant & Plumper Stories," "Pregnant Teens in Lingerie," and "Pregnant Voyeur."

Or, if you want to see more of Non-Pregnant Chantay, check out "Itty Bitty Tittys," "Mega-Voyeur," "Teen Shower Cam," "Cheerleaders & Teens in Uniform," "Nude Latina Teens," "Prep School Sluts," "Real Amateur Women & Teens," and "Victory Girls - Nude Women of the World!," "Hidden Shower Cams," "Porn Jester's Latina Girls."
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Always Looking for Girls, Girls, Girls to Photograph!

I'm shooting a lot right now and I'm deffo looking for girls to photograph, so... If you're female, OVER 18 YEARS OF AGE, in the LA area, very cute and/or good looking and/or HOT, and are interested in posing nude for my websites, your own websites, for fun or just for some nice artistic photographs, please e-mail me with a description of yourself and a URL address where I can see a photo of you. If you're what I'm looking for, then you'll deffo hear back from me :o)

Please DO NOT send photos or files attached to your e-mails. They will be deleted!
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Looking for Adult Artists & Writers

If you're an artist and/or writer and would like to have your work featured here on Sex Blogger or one of my other Adult Story or Cartoon Sites: "Sex-Fi. Erotic Sci-Fi & Horror Sex Stories," "Crime Comix," "Cuntoons," "Pregnant Comix," "Erotic Pregnant & Plumper Stories," "Sex Tales of the Old West," "Triple X Toons," "Kinky Komix," "Illustrated Erotica," "Detective Cartoons," "Blush Toons / Anime Girls" or one of the new Erotic Story or Adult Cartoon sites that I'm building, then please feel free to e-mail me with a SHORT sample of your writing or a URL address where I can see your work. As far as subject matter goes, I'm really interested in erotic Sci-Fi, Horror, Gothic, War and Crime stories and/or artwork in the same genera's. I'm also interested in material that is unique unto itself. If you send me a short sample of your writing, please spell check and proof read it before submitting it. I know that I'm not the best with grammar, but if your sample is full of misspelled words and the grammar and punctuation are noticeably worse than mine, it won't even be considered. :o)

Please, DO NOT send photos or files attached to your e-mails. They will be deleted!
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